We're all getting old

So thanksgiving break is over and on my part- it was very eventful. (I think, at least) I got to spend alot of time with my family, got to share alot of deep conversations with them, share alot of laughs with them and learn more about them even through these past few days. I miss them already.. I spent alot of time resting and studying (haha..) and getting lost on the freeway, and having my car die.. very eventful.

Yesterday I went Disneyland with my sisters and it was really really fun and wonderful. Disneyland is still a really happy place and the shows there are so awesome. I really want to be in their parade before I die :o( maybe summer job? hahaha but we got so so tired after like 5 hours.. and we realized that we are just way too old now (haha jk but seriously we were so sad that we were so tired..)

anyways- Being back is nice too. Yesterday as I was unpacking, I cleaned my room super good so that it would motivate me to have a good week. (haha I know it's lame but it worked! I'm actually pretty motivated...) These past two weeks are going to be really crazy.. with trying to catch up in bio, trying to balance studying for my other classes and working too. Next week Starbucks will be open 24 hours and so I have crazy shifts like 12am-6am and 9pm-3am .. doesn't that sound cool? haha...

But after I endure through this, my first quarter of my 2nd year will come to a close and wonderful winter break will be here. Today I felt so overwhelmed because of all that I had to do-- plus I'm sick again :o( but my hope is sustains in Him who abundantly provides me with sufficient strength and joy to get through crazy times like these.

This week I just want to remember that through everything, God is good. and as impossible as this week seems to me, and as ridiculous it feels for me to even think that I can really catch up in bio this week-- I know that all things are possible through Him, even if it isnt possible with me. So I pray that that will motivate me to be strong and try my very best. sigh.. are you ready?

Let's be victorious. I can do it and you can too :)

I just bought 17 set of dry-erase markers and colorful sticky book marks to motivate me to study and now i'm excited and ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!













let's go!

Giving Thanks

It's late. I'm exhausted. so I'll make this quick.


I can confidently say that this was the happiest thanksgiving I've ever had in my life. I spent the whole day embracing my family with all of my heart-- thanking them and enjoying their company. We went to a Sauna/Spa thing together, ate together, and took pictures throughout the entire day. We ended the night talking about the ways in which God has blessed us and how thankful we were for all that He's done in our lives this year. I got the chance to hear my parent's testimonies and that in itself was so heart-warming. I really do feel so thankful and (sorry, but) I feel like the luckiest girl in the world today.

Thank God that I'm not where I was exactly a year ago. it's only by His grace and the work of His hands that I've come this far and I only want to go farther..

I want to get in the habit of being thankful everyday, not just on thanksgiving. but just for the sake of the holiday, i'll name a few before I go to bed:

I'm thankful for my fickle health situation,
because that means my immune system is working.

I'm thankful for how horrible my piano playing sounds,
because that means I can hear.

I'm thankful for my family's financial problems,
because it's helped my family to learn how short-lived earthly treasures are.

I'm thankful for the 18 biology lectures I have yet to go over,
because it will teach me to do all things diligently and joyfully.

I'm thankful for my newly renewed relationship with my sisters,
because it will help me bring them to Christ.

I'm thankful for difficult people,
for God teaches me humility and patience through them.

I'm thankful for people who I envy and have trouble loving,
for God teaches me what it is to be unconditional.

I'm thankful for people who take advantage of my push-overness,
because it teaches me to serve wholeheartedly.

I'm thankful for hard-heartedness,
because it helps me to realize how hard God's grace had to push to get to me.

I'm thankful for utter loneliness,
because it helps me to treasure Christ.

I'm thankful for physical weaknesses,
because it challenges me to sustain my joy in Him alone.

I'm thankful for my unsaved family members in Australia,
because God is challenging me to abandon my fear and pursue evangelism.

I'm thankful for fruit and ice cubes,
because they are wonderfully refreshing.

I'm thankful for home,
because it brings me comfort and a heat-padded bed.

and I'm thankful for you, because I know this was long.
:*(

Happy thanksgiving, whoever reads this.
Let's love God more.

My weak flesh

Surprisingly, I felt alot better this morning and I no longer had to exert digested food out of my mouth. I've gotten another side-effect, however. (one that I think I should not post about in the general public) but it says that there is a chance that I am internally bleeding.... which is scary but the worst is over. and now I'm just excited to eat solid foods again.

Thanksgiving break is going to be such a sweet get-away for me. I feel so behind in school and life in general and it'd be a nice time to just go somewhere comfortable and get away for a while. I'm going to be spending a majority of my time with my family which will be absolutely wonderful :o) I'm so excited

Anyways- one thing i've gained from being sick for these past few days is.. I've learn just how easily I become affected by my physical weaknesses. Sometimes it's nice being sick.. feeling like you have an excuse to not be productive, or not over-work. I usually have this guilty conscience so if I feel like I've wasted any time throughout the span of any day I feel absolutely horrible. I've been doing pretty okay- I wrote an essay last night even in my miserably sick state and this morning I woke up at 7:30 am to do an assignment for my bio class. However, going to work today was a bit hard. I think I went to the restroom every 20-25 minutes and it was not that much fun :o( but here are a few annoying things that I had to "deal with" while I was at work today.

Crybaby #1: Exact-Temperature girl
She wanted her Vanilla Latte to be 135 degrees.......yes...she said "135"..... our milk steams it to 130 degrees by default but I had extra steam it for an eighth of a second longer so that it would be "exactly 135" but due to my lack of supernatural powers, i was possibly a half of a second late and it steamed to 140 degrees approximately. I figured that it'd be okay so I just poured the milk and gave it to her and she said it was too hot to be 135 degrees so I had to throw the drink away and wait for it to cool down to exactly 135 degrees, hoping to my dear life that it wouldnt cool a degree lower in the 10 seconds it took to repour her drink......




Crybaby #2: There-is-not-enough-ice-in-here girl
so this girl orders a Venti Shaken iced Passion Tea lemonade sweetened with 7 pumps of Classic and 4 pumps classic (talk about specific.....) and She asked for EZ Ice (Easy ice..for all of you who were confused by my intricate starbucks Slang haha). So I made her her drink and it was super busy so I tried to make it as "EZ" as I could. So I give her the drink and she comes back a few minutes later and asks me to put a little bit more ice for her cuz she said it wasnt cold enough for her entire cup of tea..So i told her to just tell me when to stop putting ice into her cup and so I was popping it in piece by piece with my large ice scooper and I swear she stops me after 2 cubes of ice.................................................I just looked at her and wanted to ask her if she was serious but I just capped it and gave her the drink back... (is it just me or are people way too needy these days?!?! )

Crybaby #3: Mr. I-didnt get-my-coffee-can-I-see-Your-manager-oh-here-it-is-nevermind!
self explanatory.
I seriously thought he was going to punch all of us in the face. And he just walked away...smiling.
sigh



Crybaby #4: Picky-and-Tricky-Mocha-girl
So this girl ordered a Mocha Frappe, and by default we do 1 pump of syrup for Grande sizes. But this girl told me that she wanted a Mocha Frappe with just enough mocha to taste it but not too much.....what does that even mean...............she said she wanted it so she could taste the mocha in there but not enough for it to be an actual mocha frappacino. So I literally had to take my hand, and slap the lever of the mocha syrup so that just a splash of mocha would get into the frapaccino mix. I honestly stressed out about it for a good three minutes because I was so confused and I asked her how it was after she took a sip of it and she just shrugged her shoulders and left....I'm going to name my gray hairs after her. Her name was Sarah

Crybaby #5: Confused-Soy-and-Whip-Cream girl
So this girl orders a soy Chai Latte with Whip Cream. I give it to her and later she gives it back to me freaking out about the fact that I would give her whip cream that was made with milk. She tells me about how she is crazy lactose intolerant and how she will have to deal with stomach pains because of the whip cream she digested. I open it up to throw it away I swear she probably grazed the whip cream with her two front teeth and inhaled it with her nostrils. Why did she even ask for whip cream in the first place??? What does she think we make whip cream with?? sigh.....but I remade it for her with a smile and tried to understand her even though she blamed me and made me feel like failure 2000 :o(


Crybaby #6: My-muffin-is-cracked-can-I-get-a-Refund boy
This one was my favorite. So this guy ordered a blueberry muffin today and so I handed it to Him with a smile and a bubbly "Thank you, Have a great day!" and he comes back a few minutes later and says that his muffin was cracked. I look at it and it was like a good split in the middle and I for sure wouldnt have given it to him if the muffin was in this broken-but-still-edibly-delicious-state. I looked at it and I looked up at him and asked, "so you dont want it anymore" and he said "No I want a refund"............... and as you guys can see, this was completely understandable because the crack in his muffin had automatically caused the muffin to taste completely different and become entirely less enjoyable to eat.............and so we had to go through this long process to get his exact money back for the muffin that he had already paid for. We had to calculate it on an actual calculator to make sure that he got the exact amount back including the percentage of tax that was included.


To be completely honest, these people didnt really bother me that much. But I often found myself frustrated and in utter disbelief from the kinds of requests they made. I reacted badly in my heart because of the current physical condition I was in-- which to this very moment does not stand as a legitatmate excuse. I found today just how weak I am in my flesh. No matter how hard I try to be strong in my heart and character for His sake, I fail miserably due to the weaknesses of my flesh. But then I realize (yet again) that I would never have been able to have stood as a good representative on my own in the first place--- but tomorrow's a new day so let's try again!

Be careful what you wish for...

I havent been sick in like 2 years and I always used to say that I wish i was sick so that I'd have an excuse to not do anything and feel bad about it..........

Now for the next week I will live off of crackers, bananas, oatmeal, gateorade and pepto bismol :o(
And all during Thanksgiving break.................



















i'm going to sleep in 3 sweaters and 3 sweatpants!
plz Pray that I will be strong and study hard this week regardless!!

Have a victorious week everybody~ :o)

Peace at last

It's confusing to me.
I could say it seems like a strange biological, psychological, scientific, emotional catastrophe. I could call it magic. It's a miracle almost. It still makes my jaw drop and my heart restless in disbelief whenever I come to find the kind of indescribable peace He can give to me even when everything seems completely lost.

I'm easily swayed, I must admit. Swayed by people, what they think, what they say.. swayed by instabilities, swayed by my insecurities, swayed by circumstances and even by my fickle emotions. There's nothing secure or stable in this world and it frustrates me. It's almost impossible to ever sit still and ever feel as if every puzzle piece in the world is at its right pace. I think we as people always strive to find stability: in our identities, in our emotions, in our beliefs, in our relationships, in our financial standings, in our jobs, our grades at school, and our image to the public eye. I think I personally become so burnt out from trying to maintain this kind of stability in every area of my life and if you ask me today, I would tell you I'm tired.

But in this marathon we're all running, I find that we just have to learn how to pace ourselves, to pull forward past the leg cramps, verges of dehydration, our exhaustion and our overly dramaticized cry of desperation when we're most tired. We need to jog slowly, take a few drinks in between, rest when we have to, stretch when we're sore and keep our eye on the final destination.

So many times I forget to look past what's only in front of me. I mourn and become devastated over things that are only a foot or two ahead of me when in the bigger perspective, they are all stepping stones in building me into the person He wants to mold me to be.

So I need to stop complaining, stop expecting, stop hoping, stop measuring up people, my personal emotions and aspects in my life and just live, with my hand firmly gripping His, my eyes fixed upon His direction and my heart wholly undivided and unmoved by anything else but His love for me.

Sorry for the rant. I'm studying at starbucks right now and I just felt His sweet warmth brush upon my cheek so I thought I'd splurge. :)

I'm a big girl now

I know this is my millionth time but please forgive. I dont know I just feel like this one is easier to maintain. If you were wondering as to how I've been doing, I'd be lying if I told you I was completely okay.

I am broken man. and incapable of doing anything well. I asked for brokenness and I feel Him breaking me. I asked for emptiness and I can feel Him removing layers of stability from my heart. I asked for Him to open my eyes and I've been able to see more and more the all the uglies inside of me. It's painful and it's so hard.. but I asked for it. and it's scary because I know it's merely a taste of what I really asked for. but hopefully I can pull through no matter how hard the wind blows so that I can just see how much stronger He is.

That is why, for Christ's sake,
I delight in weaknesses,
in insults,
in hardships,
in persecutions,
in difficulties.
For when I am weak,
then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:10

I am weak sauce 2000. I'm alot more pathetic than I ever thought I was. but it's at times like these when I see just how much Bigger He is. and how silly I must look to be trying so hard on my own.

Today was our first Korean BBQ for CCM.
I watched West Side Story with Susan and we cried.
My heart hurts.