Oversleeping

I love sleeping in. I love laying on my bed the night before a sleep-in day. You just lay there staring at the dark ceiling, looking at nothing, but totally quiet and still-- with no urgency to make yourself fall asleep as soon as possible. You just wait for yourself to peacefully fall asleep when your body feels like it and the next day the natural waking up morning just feels so much better. Someitmes I seriously can swear that I can hear the birds chirping, or the sunlight beaming through my window blinds even though its on the opposite side of my room.

I didn't mean to sleep in today. An unintentional, unplanned "sleep in" is an unfortunate and disappointing "oversleep". There's something extremely depressing and disappointing about oversleeping. Anytime I over sleep and miss something I feel miserable the whole day. Everything seems half as good, half as exciting. 2 doses of Nyquil zombied me 3 hours more than I was supposed to and I was unable to help the set up team this morning.

I slumped and sulk around all day feeling like a failure. Anything un-positive that anyone implied or said around me felt like a stab of a dagger, every cold gesture felt like a slap in the face. My sensitized emotions and the guarded posture of my heart made me restless. I dragged my feet into my room today after the day was over, looked around at my room and just felt like an even bigger epic failure. Thinking about finishing off this quarter is both liberating and exhausting. Just thinking about it wears me out. There is just so much to do any so little time .. and on my oversleeping, tired and sensitive days everything just seems alot worse than it is.

But then I think back and remember what great blessings I have, the countless things I have to be thankful for, the countless reasons to rejoice. No matter how great the mountain or how ginormous the monster seems to be, I have the tools, strength, energy and weapons to over come it. Even for the petty things like finals, or my lack of self confidence, my fear of man, the 400 lecture slides I will have to go over, the nights of oversleeping that seem so scary and overwhelming-- I have every reason to feel confident and ready for victory, because the victory has already been won for me.

As messed up, messy, gross, disgusting, tired, weary, impossible, incapable, dirty, filthy, broken or helpless I feel-- I'm so thankful that He gives me what I need to get up and try harder the next time. I came into my room, staring at the shambles and the overwhelming amount of pigsty I had to re-order. I felt defeated. Literally. I didnt want to do anything. But within minutes I was up and running-- picking up one thing at a time, putting this and that away, and my room is now clean, I have a towel at hand--ready for the shower that will help me end the beginning of this new week.

If I can get through that much,
I can do this too :) Lets do this













"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might...therefore, take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day and having done all, to stand firm...To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints." Ephesians 6:10-20


Give thanks-- Sundays, To-Do lists, post its, dinners, all of my newly baptized friends, being refreshed and encouraged by the testimony of God's faithfulness in them, reassurance, the armor of God that equipps me, week 10 in all its excitement :)

Good sighs

Do you know what I'm talking about when I say good sigh? I know some people who only sigh alot when they're sad. I sigh when I'm tired or after I eat too much. I sigh quietly when my feelings get hurt or when I see a bad grade for a test I studied hard for.

I love good sighs.
Sighs after someone says they've been thinking about you. Sighs when you finally get to talk to someone you've been wanting to talk to for weeks. Sighs when you get a hug from your parents after a long day.

I sighed alot of good sighs today. and it was because I finally got to study.
I sat down today for a good 5 hours and studied productively for those entire 5 hours. I finished 2 weeks worth of material and I sighed throughout. I felt relieved and happy. I felt satisfied. This is a really lame post haha. But when I think about today, I just remember all those times I'd sit back and just sigh. It was a beautiful day outside, and it was a perfect day for good sighs.

The panic and stress that would be appropirate for the situation I'm in right now (regarding school), such sighs would seem inappropriate. But it's amazing the kind of peace and easy this God of comfort can bring.

No matter how behind I feel, or how little progress I feel like I'm making, I never feel like I have a reason to grow weary or discouraged. As stressed and complainy I've been this entire year, I'm thankful that God's allowed me to see how deeply rooted I am and how sustained I can feel because He is holding me.

We serve an outstretched-arm God.
A God who created everything in this earth, who controls every ray of sunshine and leads the waves to the surface; A God who painted the sky and crafted every man; The God who holds the entire universe in His hand.

To think that that God would oustretch His hand to me
That's crazy

What's there to be so scared about anyway?

with a mighty hand and outstretched arm; His love endures forever.
Psalms 136:12



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Today is apple pie day
Justin did most of it
but here it is




























Give thanks-- spending time with Pastor Aaron and Tina, fellowship in Christ, Iron Chef 2009, productive studying, beautiful days, the unshakeable joy that I'm allowed to have

I cant wait!

So, today I enrolled for my classes for Fall quarter of my Junior year..




Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

I'm so excited even just looking at this schedule I'm so excited even though it doesnt say much about anything except for a bunch of Nur Sci things but I'm so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone tells me to prepare myself for the hardest ever, but despite what anyone says I'm still more excited than scared or nervous! I know it's gonna be tough, dont get me wrong. In no way am I undermining or underestimating the amount of work, studying, devotion, dedication, diligence, stress, energy, strength this is going to require next year-- but I'm so excited to train myself to be the best student I could be so that I could be the best nurse that I could be so that ultimately I could be used by Him the best that I could possibly be used :)

I'm so excited
I swear I'm going to sleep in my scrubs the day I get them...AHHH

Give thanks--- being home, excitement and confidence even in front of ginormous mountains

When I grow up I want to be a jar of clay

I've never really been a confident person.

I was always surrounded around people who were always better than me. (I'm trying so hard not to have a pity party or sound emo right now...haha) If you ever ask me about my sisters, I always say that Audrey got the talented and funny genes (she's honestly good at everything--singing, dancing, drawing, pure genius at everything she pursues) and katherine, my youngest, has the cute and lovable genes. Me? I have the good work ethic. HAHA. I work hard (or try to at least).

I think it's a norm for girls to lack a sense of confidence in ourselves. We are pros at dodging compliments, and have mastered the finding even the "tiniest,-most-trivial-and-insignificant-but-significant-to-us" flaws in ourselves ordeal. I can pull out 5 flaws for you right now: I have baby hairs, I wear makeup, My voice is whiny, I'm too touchy and I cry too easily. Very little and insignificant things that really consume my thoughts on an occassional if not daily basis. I feel like in alot of ways-- the insecurity that I fight within myself has been something that has affected alot of other areas in my life

Recently, I've begun to see how much this insecurity I have has affected the way that I share about my faith. Whenever I'm given the oppurtunity to share, 3 out of 5 of the times I shy away, or I graze over it-- completely missing the oppurtunity, absolutely not doing what I should be doing, and just being a scaredy cat weaksauce 5000.

I'm scared of people. I'm scared of what I wont and cant do. I'm scared of what they'll think. I'm scared of what I wont be able to say back. I'm scared I might hurt their feelings. I'm scared that they might think I'm wierd. I'm scared I wont be able to convince them. I'm scared they wont believe me. I'm scared of rejection. I'm scared they might get mad at me. I'm scared they might call me religious. I'm scared of cats. I'm scared of the dark. I'm scared of knives. Im scared wah wah wah. All of these fears and insecurities that I have keep me from sharing the gospel boldly. It's kept me from proclaiming Christ. I've exploded a humungous picture of my scared face and have failed to magnify Christ.. even to people who are some-what interested. YOU FOOL. you are such a fool, sharon. A scared, pathetic fool.

Recently, I've been learning more and more that evangelism is not converting someone. It's not winning saints. It's not about holding hands with an unbeliever and praying with them the prayer or repentance, bringing them to their salvation. Evangelism is our call to be obedient in sharing this gospel. Our calling is not "CONVERT" but it is to "GO". I mean, of course it is our hope that by our obedient efforts, God would use us to bring people into His Kingdom.. but even when it doesnt happen, I have not failed to be obedient to evangelize just because I come back emptyhanded.

I remember one thing Pastor Aaron always reminds me is "to plant seeds". It's not my job to convert them, that's the Spirits job. How foolish I must look trying to do His job. Its like me trying take a Econ major's final for him. or me trying to translate the bible in Chinese. or me trying to give birth to chickens. It's not my place. it's not my job. it's not what I was made to do

I want to be a jar of clay. A plain, simple jar of clay. There's no praise or compliment due to me. There are no flashy designs, no colorful embellishments. But a simple yet useful jar of clay. So that as I hold the treasure of Christ, that all glory would go to Him. Whether I'm proclaiming the gospel to people with words or with my life, that I could denounce myself so that I could announce Christ. So that even in my insecurities, I can feel secure because it was never about me anyway.

Thank God for insecurities. Thank God for my lack of confidence.
Because now I can confidently say that my only confidence comes from Him
and I love it.

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Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather we have renounces secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.....For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said "Let light shine out of darkness" made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ" But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us"

2 Corinthians 4:1-7

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Give thanks-- the way You refresh me, confidence in You, In-N-out, encouraging conversations, hugs, friends who share blogs, and the oppurtunity You will give me today :)

Airforce daughter

I thought about David today




My friend and Papajeong, David went to the airforce months ago-- graduated and in school now. Sometimes when I think about him I really am so proud of him, for the decision he made, from the light that he's shining and the kind of airforce tough guy he's growing up to be.

Even though he was in Texas and is now in Missisippi, he never fails to encourage me in so many ways. Whether that be in checking to see how people at home are doing, writing letters, or even sharing what kind of things he's learning in his devotionals-- I realize that we all have the power and the gift to encourage others, despite how far away we are.

I fail to encourage the people within a 10-ft vicinity around me on a daily basis-- and here's David, striving to be a good witness to those he is entitled with, laboring for the sake of growing in righteousness in a time and place where he is apart from close brothers and sisters and the church, and making intentional efforts on a daily, weekly basis to encourage those back at home.

It encourages me because it challenges me to do all the more.





I am a proud daugther
of an airforce papa..sorta






shirt's a little big though :)











Give thanks-- that it's friday, anticipation for a long lunch date to come in 5 minutes, the week being over, 2 midterms being over, midterms being officially over, prayer, time to pray, people who encourage me, reminders, how You painted a million stars and surrounded me with so many beautiful people to show me a glimpse of Your majesty

Comfort in the midst of fear

I think recently I've been realizing that this world, and everyone in it-- in one way or another-- are driven by fear. It's sad because sometimes the very motivation we have is fear-driven. Oppurtunities are missed because of our fears. We dont risk because we fear failure. We limit spontaniety in our life because we fear regret. We dont pursue in fear of rejection. We shy our confidence because we fear that people might judge us to be show-offish. We study and cram the night before a test in fear of failing. We cry in times of remorse in anticipation for the feelings of helplessness that's to come. We make petty, impulsive decisions in fear that the chance will pass us by.

Let's admit it. We are all driven by fear.

Fear is something I've always had a hard time with. This world parades around the idea that we need to be equipped with the appropriate gear, uniform and weapons-- so that we could be prepared for whatever comes our way. We need to be ready. We need to be appropriately equipped. We. We, we. weeeeeeee (haha just kidding)

There are alot of things I fear. Rapists, Theifs, knives, guns, murder. Darkness, ferocious animals, capitalistic communism. North Korea, power, untamed animals. People, mistakes, helplnessness, failure, rejection, disapproval, slander, inadeqaucy. It's overwhelming to think about all the things that I have to cower away from on a daily basis. Every heartbeat-racing instance, every "that-was-a-close-one" moment, every time I have to keep my guards up to ensure that I would be as far away as possible from these things I "fear". I always turned to myself in order to conquer these fears. but here I am, sitting in the middle of this black hole constantly being sucked up by the things I fear

These days I've been realizing more and more how un-involved I am in this fear-conquering buisness. I'm riding on the back of someone else's horse. I'm standing on the back row of the army lines. I'm merely holding tightly onto the arm of someone much stronger, much more victorious, much more capable of conquering these fears than I will ever be. I'm so thankful that I'm learning to depend on Him more to fight my battles for me..so what more could I do than to stand here as a witness of His Victories and give Him praise?

Praise Him more, I guess.

The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?

Though an army besiege me,my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.

For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.

Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD.

ps 27

Give thanks-- family time, crabs at redondo, deep naps in the car, 5 hours of productive study time, anticipation for what's to come, that You are a Victorious God, that I never have an excuse not to praise You

Improving my serve

I'm studying right now but I thought I'd drop by and jot down a few things I've been thinking about these days.

To be honest, I consider myself somewhat of a 'servant' in various areas. You can read that and judge right off the bat that I'm giving myself alot more credit than I deserve. When I say servant, I dont mean I'm a humble person who 'serves' willingly, joyfully and graciously. No, to run against that, I'm actually the opposite. (almost). Service, for the majority of my life, was done because of obligation; whether that be by authority or by the authoritative power my desire to please people had overtaken me-- I've always been in positions to serve. I've always been a super people pleaser-- so over the course of my life I've always been doing things for people: whether that was wholeheartedly or reluctantly.

Over the course of my life, I've grown a heart for people. And I can confidently say now that my service now is deeply rooted from my extensive love for people. I love to serve my friends, my family, people who I care about, people who are in need, people who are struggling through a difficult situation, people who need me, people who are above me who happen to need me, and of course myself.

When I began working at starbucks, I had to remind myself on a daily basis that I was going to use this job to improve my serve-- and I believe that through some extent it did. It helped me to do unattractive jobs enthusiastically, to serve people above and below me, to serve customers who had little, if not any respect for me, and I had to really humble and die to myself every single day so that I wouldnt be offended when somebody told me to do their bathroom cleaning job for them. I've gotten awards for cleaning jobs and "lobbying jobs" in the past-- "The Lobby Goddess" they would say, and as small as this medal of honor was, I was thankful for it.

I proudly wore the banner of my servanthood around like some gold metal I've obtained from all I've done thus far, and for a short moment I was proud of myself for the servant I've become. But that's when the ownage came. For the past few days, a handful of people (all random and no relation to each other) have asked me to do petty little favors for them. Most of these favors were not big favors. Not demanding. Not hard to do. Just inconvinent for me and my "busy-I cant-fit-you-in" kind of schedule. Burdened by these requests, so many times I wanted to turn them down and I finally had the boldness to do so. Why? The recognition of these people had little significance to me.

I found myself being a selective-server. I serve who I want to serve, in ways that I choose to follow through. I'm no servant. Just a person who serves for public-recognition, praise of people, and for my own self-righteousness. I wanted to feel like I was good enough. like I was doing enough. I am no servant. If I am as selective as I am, and as picky about where or what to serve in, what kind of servant is that?

I am no more a servant than a person who sketches on the corners of newspapers would be considered a masterpiece-creating artist. I am no more a servant than a person who cooks macaroni and ramen for dinner would be considered a master chef. I am no more a servant than a butterfly is considered a bird merely because it has wings.

I am so prideful and so self-exalting and so self-righteous.
My service disgusts me..

But I wonder, would you spend the rest of your life tending to a blind and deaf old woman who never knew who you were even though you spent each and every day, morning and night, feeding her, bathing her, changing her diapers, combing her hair, reading to her, and learning to love her as family until the day of her death?

---would your answer change if you were to live this way for the rest of your life in silent solitude where nobody would ever know you were doing this?


give thanks-- Your perfect example, getting in owned in the face even when I'm alone, room-cleaning, quiet study times, timbetold concert yesterday, deep sleep that made me miss my class, that You would serve reckless, undeserving sinners like me


Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." (matt. 20:26-28)

We are so small

You're the God of this City
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are

You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless
You are

There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City


Give thanks-- the gospel ministry, hope, the power of God that exceeds all power and authority on earth

deep breaths

So for Sister's Appreciation this year, one of the raffles I won was for an Aquarium trip! 5 of the brothers took 6 of the sisters to the Aquarium of the Pacific after a nice, home-made breakfast. Today was my first time at the Aquarium and it was definitely an extremely fun, exciting and surreal experience. All those fish honestly look like those Windows XP virtual desktop screensavers. We all had good laughs today, ate alot of good food, touched alot of sharks and rays, looked at alot of pretty fish and had a really great time. The way they served us so willingly and generously was so encouraging and it really grew my heart to want to serve others back as well. :o)





I love Aquariums! They're so beautiful


Cant believe God made this.. God is so awesome.. haha

Recently I've been trying to train myself to be more productive and efficient with my time, and to be more discerning about where I spend my time, who I invest it in and so on. I'd be happy to say that this week I've improved somewhat, but I am no where near where I should be-- so I guess what I COULD say is that I'm excited to keep getting better at this.

I've been feeling alot of anxiety, confusion, fickleness, and worry about decisions I need to make for the near future, various areas I would like to commit to (or not commit to) and what kind of things I will be capable of handling in the future. I wonder-- is "having the heart" for these things enough? Does it suffice to merely "have the heart for it"? I always thought -- in some cheesy, idealistic way-- that this "having the heart" was more than enough for anyone to handle anything. But the more that I think about it, I find that it's not as true as I sought it out to be.

I have a heart for alot of things, but different commitments, obligations, responsibilites and roles that I possess limit my capabilities of doing every single thing I "have the heart for". So how do I filter out the things that I should hold off or put aside, so that I can ensure that my time and energy and "heart" is really invested in the best and most "excellent" things?

I dont want my ambition to overpower me and I dont want this overflowing passion to be uncontained in a manner where I will flippantly commit to things I will not be able to wholheartedly devote myself to.

If our greatest commandment(s) is to 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' and to 'Love your neighbor as yourself', we should want to invest in the things that will help us to be stretched, yet focused on these 2 things.
hm.. I just need to take a deep breath, clear my mind, and to cement my feet into His word and hold tightly to Him through prayer.

This is what I thought about as I was studying for microbiology today.

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A cool video alot of people sent me today: Hope it encourages you too
http://www.thedoorpost.com/joy/claytonsstory

Give thanks-- kevin, kelvin, theo, aLocke, and paul for being wonderful brothers, sisters to share them with, the evidence of God's grace in encouraging fellowship, productive study times, power naps, ice cream, laundry days, writing in my bible, tChoi, pastor Aaron, being encouraged, difficult things You help me to understand and scary things you help me to anticipate confidently

Did you rise the sun for me,
and paint a million stars
so I might know Your majesty?

Studying: 3%

I am officially old.

I have been way tooo tired to study these days, what is wrong with me?!
I've seriously been choosing sleep over EVERYTHING these days.. and I'm really fighting with myself to not sleep cuz I should really be studying..

I wonder if I would feel smarter and more excited to study if I had glasses:


and a mole


or maybe librarian glasses, a mole and mustache...



I am such a sleepy weaksauce.. haha

Beautiful Jesus
How may I bless Your heart?
Knees to the earth I bow down to everything You are


Give thanks-- a fun and exhausting day of work, holding hands, home-cooked korean food, paying attention in class, prayerful fellowship, my lovely T, the righteousness of Christ, and the unshakeable hope, joy and confidence I can have because of it