Coffee stains

You make me smile.


--

There's something seriously beautiful about coffee-stained lecture notes. It happened while I was studying for my Molecular Bio midterm yesterday, and when it happened it sucked. I was carrying something on my lap and it knocked down the large cup of coffee behind it while I was turning to get my notes. Seeing the coffee spill onto my 4 weeks worth of lecture notes was not my favorite.. but with my midterm finished and the pile of stained notes piled on top of each other, i'm thankful for the coffee stains because it brings so much essence to it.

Pastor Peter Chung told Andrew Sata that "Time is made, not found"
and that hit home pretty hard for me. I always complain that I cant find the time to do this or that, that I find that I cant find the time to commit to this, or the reason that I didnt finish this on time was because I just coulndn't find the time. I couldnt find it. Find, find, find, find, kind, mind, chind, rind, pind, find. Find is lame. haha

If I really really wanted to do something. If i really wanted to meet with someone. If I really wanted to invest my heart and my time into something, I would make the time to do it. Whether that be by-- being more productive and not turning on internet while I study, staying up later, sacrificing unnecessary leisures-- I would make the time to do it. to accomplish it. to have it in the palm of my hands. I would go across oceans and run miles and work my heart out to make the time to do it (ok, maybe not run miles-- i hate running.)

Time is made,
not
found

I think you can really judge the thoughts, desires, and intentions of someone's heart by the priorities they tend to on a daily basis. If my heart was absolutely consumed and held captive by the things I claim to be "important", why would I put trivial and insignificant things before it?
Obviously, my heart is elsewhere.

I desperately need re-focusing. now.


Goodbye,

give thanks-- spinach dip, finishing my molecular midterm, Jesus seminar, costco samples, cartalks, that You are a sovereign God, the way You judge the thoughts and intentions of my heart and the way it freaking owns me in the face, the strength and hope you provide for me to try again after being owned, that you can clean my stains even though they are more hardcore than coffee stains





Shower me
with Your love
washing
my filthy
stains

Molecular Biology: Midterm 1

This was how I studied today


And why my Lack of confidence in this midterm is 10%.. haha

But I will sleep. Goodnight!

Give thanks-- praying with my dear brothers memo & theo, laughing with tracy, esther's voice, prayer, hope even in the midst of my helplessness for this midterm, peace in You

Resolution..ary

I love resolutions. I know people hate them because they always end up giving up on them after a couple of weeks or so, but it doesnt hurt to make them anyway!

I probably think of 20 resolutions a day. Whether it be things I want to change, behaviors I want to avoid, attitudes I want to develop, words I want to hold back and joys I want to bring. But today I thought of 4 repeatedly, so I thought I'd share..


1) Resolved.. to be more responsible especially with money.


I found that I spend money, alot. Even if its not always for useless things, I could always be more careful and discerning with it. So.. I've decided to save all my receipts in an envelope. Yes all of them. Every single one. Hopefully this will make me more aware of just how much I'm spending and i'll be able to be more cautious about where I spend it so I can invest it in the more important things!

2) Resolved..to drink alot more water.

I know this one is silly and seems like common sense-- but I really dont think i drink enough water. I think its humanly unhealthy how much I DONT drink water............... so I'm going to carry this water bottle around again. I bought it like a year ago and I think I put water in it like 3 times... I used to fill it with juice..and coffee..but no more. Only water I say!

3) Resolved......to eat healthier.


I think I eat healthy on a regular basis but I can definitely eat more healthy. I feel so grossy these days. So more healthy..(although, I dont know how healthy eggs are.. haha)

4) Resolved..to keep my apartment clean!


I think it takes alot of humilty and selflessness to live in an apartment. As selfless and caring you think you are,I think you're most tested when you live in an apartment that seems hopelessly dirty.. But I want to be better about keeping it not messy (as in, putting things away when they're out and rotting away) and clean (as in wiping down the sink and table on a regular basis...) I've been trying to clean it more these days and it feels really nice sitting on the kitchen table now :o)

Those are 4 of many more to come hopefully....
Have a good day!

P.S. I have a Bio Midterm tomorrow and I am seriously not ready.. hahahah oh well.
I'll review later.

Give thanks-- productive study times at Starbucks, good-tasting water, korean instant curry and rice, the surprise mango ice cream I found in the freezer, clean apartments, watching my sweat drip at the ARC (so exciting), tracy

Decisions decisions..

There are so many decisions we make everyday.
What am I going to eat. What am I going to wear. What shoes match with this. Should I straighten or curl my hair. Should I eat breakfast? What should I eat for breakfast? I think this is spoiled, should I eat it anyway..or not? Should I pray..or will I be late.. should I pray anyway? Should I read? When can I read today? Should I say this even though it sucks but its funny? Should I tell them this thing about myself? Should I lie? Should I stay quiet? Should I use a pencil or pen? Should I ask them? Should I try harder to not laugh out loud? Should I encourage them? Should I go to the bathroom now or wait?

These are just examples of a fraction of the questions I've asked myself through this day alone. Right now I'm debating whether I should sleep early or if I should stay up and study for a few hours. (I have a bio midterm on Tuesday) and I've decided to sleep.



Another decision I made today was whether or not I was going to buy a Hazelnut Latte at Coffeebean today. If you've been reading my blog, there have been several posts just about how much I love Coffeebean's hazel nut latte. I stayed there for a good 2 hours but left without the precious HZL. Why? because I knew I didnt need it. Because I knew it'd waste my money. and because I knew it'd contribute to the unhealthy gaining of weight that could possibly and conveniently add itself to.

---

However, there was a more important decision I had to make at coffeebean today. It was a really nice day outside so I decided to stay on the tables outside of Coffeebean to spend a little bit of time catching up on YOTB(Year of the Bible, which is a bible reading plan that I'm doing with my church). I've been behind for some time (like...a few weeks or more behind) on the Old Testment, and although I've considered stopping the plan altogther and starting it again sometime later, I decided to commit to it and just catch up in the Old Testament on my own so that I could understand it better. I decided to start on 1 Samuel so I could gain a better understanding of what's actually happening, when a man sitting in the table next to me turned and greeted me.

It was the normal "interested and curious" kind of conversation starter. What are you reading? Are you Jewish? Do you go to Sunday School? Why are you reading that? He was Jewish, was extremely familiar with the Old Testament (which I am not... sigh) and was a devout Judeast. (is that what you call them?) I had just finished reading chapters 1-3 and he was summarizing it for me. Although I knew the summary myself, it astounded me to see how much he knew. It was obvious that he was trying to convert me. He claimed that there was only one God and I assured him that I believed that too. I asked him what the major differences were between Christianity and Judeasm and he told me that he believed that God was God and that Jesus was a man. Jesus died because Rome was scared of the influence he was causing. He didnt care about heaven because he just wanted to live a good life here on earth. He knew he wasnt good enough to be right before God but he said trying his best would've been enough.

I tried my best not to be pushy, and tried to avoid any possible offense that could have come out of it. His rolling of eyes and sighs of disapproval were discouraging.. and I was frustrated with myself because I was unable to back up every single thing I was proclaiming with Scripture. What made it harder was that he thought that the New Testament was useless. He didnt believe in this Christ. in my Christ. I felt so frustrated and broken for him. and yet I lacked the knowledge, boldness and confidence in this faith I professed for that short amount of time. I was really ashamed.

We turned away and proceeded to whatever we were doing. Him to his conversation with his bald old man fellow Jewish friend who previously told me he loved Korean music and korean women and kept winking at me, asking me if I had a boyfriend-- which made me feel sorta uncomfortable..(haha) and I turned back to my bible. He didnt care about the New Testament so I tried to my best to find a passage in the old that professed Christ. I turned to Isaiah 53

He told me he has a Christian friend who is actively pursing Judeasm or something.. I dont know, He has my email. His name was Aaron. Like Moses' brother he says.

When the conversation started, I could have played it off with a smile and tried to act as disinterested as possible to avoid furthering the conversation. I could have politely excused myself so that I could order a drink inside and be along my merryway. I could have decided to ignore him. And if I'm to be honest, for a second or two I really wanted to. I knew I wasnt ready. I knew he was Jewish. I knew he would bash on Christ. (somewhat, at least) but I knew that I would never be prepared for such a fight anyway. It wasnt my story to share, my truth to tell. I read in The Gospel and Personal Evangelism (by Tim Keller) that our calling to 'evangelize' isnt to convert, isnt to change the mind of some Jewish and bring them to a Christian church and have a Christian faith, it's not holding the hands of this non-believer and praying the prayer or repentance. Evangelism in itself is to merely be faithful to this message that we have, that we believe, that we bank on, and the very message that sustains the new lives we live and the new man that we are now.

It's not my job's to change his heart and make sure that he believes. That's the Spirit's job! How dare I try to steal???! mine is just to share what I know and believe to be truth. My analogy for this is, I pour the lemonade powder into the glass of water. But I am merely the pour-er, and the Spirit is the spoon that stirs this message until it dissolves and the hydrogen bonds of the water and the powder mix bind to become lemonade.

Probably a wrong and butchered analogy, but I hope people will keep pouring into the Aaron Water.

So many decisions. I need to sleep. haha

Here are some pictures from Sister's Appreciation 09 :) Super cute. from garnet.


I love bodyworship.

Our class boys, I love.

I'm so thankful.
Molecular Biology study day tomorrow, lets do this

Give thanks-- Aaron, Coffeebean, Berean's members meeting, Berean-- a church I've grown to love like family, Study sessions, patience, trying to have better discernment, decision making, Beautiful weather, switching car positions with ewG, people who make me laugh, sleeping early, cheesecake

A tired blog entry

So I took my Microbiology midterm today and I really should be studying for my Molecular Biology midterm but I am honestly way too tired. Let me show you how I'm sitting right now. I'll take a picture RIGHT this second, right in the position I'm in without moving from where I am..

Ready?!


No joke. I know you cant really see it but its because I'm sitting in a really wierd angle to lay my head on my shoulder... yes my OWN shoulder HAHA shameful.

Anyways- these days have been quite enlightening. I feel like I'm realizing and learning alot of things and it's rather exciting. I will share some other time though-- it is way too late and it is way passed my bedtime.

But before I sleep, let's play a game. I'm going to randomly choose 5 pictures from my facebook and talk about them. Why? I dont know. What for? No idea. just because I'm tired and I want to haha (Sharon tired equals no good because I become selfish...... )


These are really going to be chosen at random.

Page 49, Album 3, Photo 22


This is my sister's 8th grade graduation. I remember I looked so gross at her graduation....... I wore this nasty teal sweater and it was too short for me so I looked stunted. But this was the moment my sister saw my dad. I think she looked really pretty and I really like that dress-- but in this picture it looks like she has some eating disorder... we call her skinny bone jones. My cousin David calls her "Bones" for short. Audrey's nickname is "fro" and I'm "chubbs" :*o( He hates me


Page 43 Album 1 Picture 6

This was outside of the pool that I swam in all of summer 07, the summer before I went to college. We called ourselves KSB (I didnt make the name up THANK GOODNESS) and I dont know what it stood for but it was Korean...something... Brothers. shameful. We probably swam here 50+ times that summer. We spent the entire summer together-- we'd meet, eat, go and jam and someone's house and do nothing. I liked this picture because that red flower just randomly grew on the bed of white flowers. Something so interestingly, mysteriously beautiful about it no?

Page 4 Album 2 Picture 20


This is my uncle from Australia. He doesnt have an Australian accent because he only lived in Australia for about 2 years now I think. But when I went this past winter break, he made me give him a real photoshoot for his advertisements: like 300 frames, 3 outfit changes, 5 background changes, flower holding, book holding, wall touching, smiling, serious face and all of the above. it was legit. and he is a gangster. Now that I think about it, he said he'd give me 100 dollars if I did a good job..........I guess i didnt do a good job :o( haha

Page 7 Album 4 Picture 12

This is such a random picture... hahah. This was CCM fall banquet 2008. These boys (Mark and Travis) are both seniors, both dark, both semi-softspoken but very very very nice. I'd say they would fit in my top 20 for sure. Mark is good at Basketball, is from SD so knows how the real mexican food goes down, cooks and dances really well, and spent 12 hours in the car with me driving me to and from Norcal last summer. I saw a picture of Travis before I came to Irvine on Garnet's facebook while I was in high school and I really really really thought he looked like a monkey. I dont think that anymore, but I do think he is very nice. I hear he has to concentrate very hard when he drives, makes really funny jokes (when girls arent around), and plays drums really well. I remember last year he had some medical discomfort slash problem and Esther actually gave it a name "LARRY". how sad. haha He also likes short shorts (just kidding) but Travis is the nicest guy in the world for many reasons but mostly because He shows us grace even when we joke with him.


Page 10 Album 1 Picture 9

This was the Berean College Ministry at BBQ Kick off. It was in the beginning of the school year when we were kicking-off the new year of our ministry. I remember this day was really nice: beautiful weather, lake in the park, good food, lovely people and overall, just a really great time. This was probably the shot that I took when I was testing out my self-timer (hence, the reason why I'm not in it-- but regardless....) it's a nice picture of everyone. Especially Justin (bottom row middle) who looks like he's flaring his nostrils like mad... maybe cuz i'm not in the picture :o) He's my friend

Page 11 Album 3 Picture 23

This is Kevin. This was sometime during last summer when I drove to La Crescenta to see his home town. This picture is decieving because we actually went to The grove with Robin, Isabel and Connie who are not in the picture-- but this day was weird. While the girls were shopping, I remember me and Kevin had to sit at Borders and we had a conversation. That's as much detail as I can go into right now.. i'm too tired. I've known Kevin for almost 2 years now. He likes wearing his UCI sweats and basketball shorts. He always wears that brown collar shirt he's wearing now, and wears plaids shirts everywhere he goes (seriously everywhere). He loves sushi and eats really fast. Drinks about 3-4 large cups of water per meal. He loves wrestling, has a silent laughter for the most part and is very honest with me at all times. (sometimes it hurts my feelings but I dont think he cares) but I appreciate it. or I try to at least.

well there's my 5.
That was pretty fun. I hope you guys were entertained.
maybe I'll try it again next time

Goodnight!


p.s. Today I accidently scratched the sidewindow of my car .. I hate parking. I am so sad my heart joggum hurted like forreals. I wonder if this is what it feels like when you see your baby scab it's knee for the first time?! cuz that's how it felt. my heart hurted.

Give thanks -- first midterm being done, feeling ready to study more for molecular, anticipation for sleep, the book of James, putting yesterday behind us over some fast fish, starbucks, things that make "cents", sweet fellowship with Him in the word, water bottles, the beautiful and perfect example You are for us, hope and strength that You provide to help me follow it

Iron-ish things that sharpen me

The problem for those of us with this fork-in-the-eye approach to planning is that during each day the most urgent requests will compete with and distract from the most important goals and priorities of our lives. Each day the number of requests we receive normally outnumber the time allotted for the day. My experience confirms that if I fail to attack my week with theologically informed planning, my week attacks me with an onslaught of the urgent. And I end up devoting more time to the urgent than the important.

And at the end of the week there is a low-grade guilt and dissatisfaction in my soul, because I’ve neglected to do the truly important stuff. I want to have as few weeks like this as possible in whatever time remains for me to serve the Savior. _CJ Mahaney


Valley Of Vision -- "Humility In Service"

Mighty God,

I humble myself for faculties misused,
opportunities neglected,
words ill-advised,
I repent of my folly and inconsiderate ways,
my broken resolutions, untrue service,
my backsliding steps,
my vain thoughts.

O bury my sins in the ocean of Jesus’ blood
and let no evil result from my fretful temper,
unseemly behaviour, provoking pettiness.

If by unkindness I have wounded or hurt another,
do thou pour in the balm of heavenly consolation;
If I have turned coldly from need, misery, grief,
do not in just anger forsake me:
If I have withheld relief from penury and pain,
do not withhold thy gracious bounty from me.

If I have shunned those who have offended me,
keep open the door of thy heart to my need.

Fill me with an over-flowing ocean of compassion,
the reign of love my motive,
the law of love my rule.

O thou God of all grace, make me more thankful, more humble;
Inspire me with a deep sense of my unworthiness arising from
the depravity of my nature, my omitted duties,
my unimproved advantages, thy commands violated by me.

With all my calls to gratitude and joy may I remember
that I have reason for sorrow and humiliation;

O give me repentance unto life;

Cement my oneness with my blessed Lord,
that faith may adhere to him more immovably,
that love may entwine itself round him more tightly,
that his Spirit may pervade every fibre of my being.

Then send me out to make him known to my fellow-men.

Every blessing

....you pour out
I'll turn back to praise.

So I got a car.
my dad made me :( hahaha

I really am so undeserving of it and I'm so thankful
There's not much I can really say in describing how I feel about this, I'm still in disbelief-- but I really am excited and happy that I finally have a car. I really want to utilize this car so that I could better serve everyone around me in any and every way that I can. and now that I actually have a car I can drive-- I can finally be more efficient and helpful than before. :o)

I hope and pray that through this blessing, I could really give as much (if not more) than what I've received.

The way it sounds in my heart and the way I'm writing it here sounds weird
so I will stop
this week is going to be tiring
but not tiring enough to slow me down
..hopefully.


Note to self:
1) I promise Pomona Brian I'd take him to eat lunch when I got my car (promised him 6th grade)
2) same for Won Lee
3) lunch dates
4) No more asking for Albetson/Target Runs (I know you're happy, I hate you)
5) I can drive people to church and bible study now :)
6) I can go home now!

This entry sucks
it sounded alot better in my head

Thank you for all those who've driven me everywhere for the past 19 years (whether that be grocery shopping, to coffee bean, target, gateway to study at night, to eat, to church, home, anywhere and everywhere i needed) -- for this year at least, I would like to thank Esther Lee, Ewg Tseng and Kevin Yoon oh and Alex Yi when he didnt forget about me (haha just kidding Alex, I really am thankful). I am indebted to you guys-- please ask me anytime. eveyone, ask me anytime. unless I have class. or work. or church.



Give thanks--- the soon-to-come oppurtunities to serve with this blessing, sundays, berean sunday worship service, the fact that our God is sovereign but personal, small group dinners, ipods, progress, a full day of studying tomorrow

Evidence of grace in my life.

It is at times like these when I know that it could only be by God's grace that I am the way I am, opposed to who I was before. I know I'm not anywhere near perfect right now-- I'm not even good most of the time.

However, I found this random xanga entry I wrote in 2004 (I cant believe that was 5 years ago...) and I am utterly ashamed of myself. I hope that everyone can see how different I've become since then, because I can definitely definitely see it. There are a few things that still apply, I guess. The same insecurities, and hobbies of course. But I'm really sitting here so ashamed of who I was and hoping to death that I am nowhere near who this person was 5 years ago....

God is real. He has to be, there coulda been no other way...haha
This is embarrassing, but this was me 2004.
Evidence of God's grace in my life part 1



100 things about Sharon
1. I'm not pretty, nice, or skinny, but sometimes, i pretend i am.
2. I have an obsession with hats, but i dont have alot.
3. I love to go to shopping and not buy anything.
4. I like to sing in the shower and hear my echo, even though my sisters complain.
5. I eat more than my whole family put together.
6. I dont know how to dance, but sometimes when I'm alone, I dance by myself in the dark.
7. I sing alot, even though I know I cant.
8. Theres no one I really hate, but even if I did, I wouldnt mention it alot.
9. I cant do more than 10 pushups at a time.
10. I like to watch t.v. until I cant feel my legs.
11. I dont know how to burp, but I wish I did.
12. I like it when people compliment me, even though I dont believe em half the time.
13. I get easily irritated online if I'm busy and you I-M me continuously and say nothing important.
14. I like to be nice to people, even though I'm not alot of times.
15. I say "whatever" alot and I say "shuttup" and "loser" and "retard" alot. If I call you it, dont take it seriously.
16. I hate smokers and druggies
17. I'm a little gangster. JK. I hate wanksters.
18. I'm easily jealous.
19. The smallest thing can kill my mood, but at the same time, the smallest thing can make my day.
20. I dig guys who sing good.
21. Good looking guys make my heart melt.
22. I've been obsessed with Backstreet Boys, Nsync and 98degrees for some time now. Dont Hate
23. I'm unpredictable. Most times.
24. Pink, Yellow, Tan, Black, and Red are my favorite colors.
25. I love it when I feel loved.
26. I take things for granted.
27. My nickname is spongebob, even though he pisses me off sometimes.
28. I like holding mics in front of a large audience.
29. Even without trying, I do stupid things in public.
30. I laugh and smile alot.
31. I'm good at conceiling my feelings.
32. I gossip alot, but nothing really extremely bad.
33. I hate change.
34. I live, eat, sleep, breathe, LOVE music.
35. One phonecall can make someone my best friend.
36. Me and my sisters have a little group--P.I.S; PinkyItchyStinky..
37. When I like someone, I look at their profile about 50 times a day, even if its empty.
38. I dont like going to school, but I like working hard, sometimes.
39. I like writing poems.
40. I love long, deep conversations.
41. I love hugs more than candy.
42. I dont eat for the hunger, I eat cuz its fun.
43. I dont dress like those really hot sexy girls who try hard to impress, I wear whatevers comfortable, regardless of how it looks.
44. I'm not a tomboy
45. I like things being pretty and neat.
46. Everything I touch dies.
47. I have a heart of a little kid, which makes me stupid, sometimes.
48. I dont PMS when I'm on my rag, I think i do it all the time.
49. I hate it when people hate me or are mad at me.
50. I have been the man of every relationship, but no more.
51. I'm either always TOO STUPID or too nice. im think im just stupid.
52. I like eating my oreos soggy, after I dip em in milk.
53. I use money like its nothing.
54. I've never cut my hair without regretting it before.
55. I never really worry or bother to worry about anything.
56. It's hard for me to trust people.
57. My biggest struggle is loving myself.
58. I'm not good with birthday presents.
59. Watching the OC and One Tree Hill makes me wanna have a hott white boyfriend.
60. I am neighbors with Kenny Benson aka DEUCE and Steven Jew aka PLATINUM (former members of the SWC)
61. When I was little I used to grab a big spoon and sing into it, in front of my dolls.
62. I wanna be a pediatrican when I grow up. cuz I love kids.
63. I used to teach little 6year olds when i was 9.
64. I taught my sister how to read.
65. I'm not good at lying, but I do it all the time.
66. Jesus is my rock, and I would die a million deaths for him.
67. I lived my childhood with Lauren Kim.
68. I used to be in choir, and I loved it.
69. If you get to know me, I'm really loud.
70. I dont like those girls who think their all hot with no eyebrows and a gang load of make up who throw up all their food and flirt with hot ass guys that I would like to date
71. I would marry Kwon Sang Woo and Seung Sung Hun anyday.
72. I can get pretty emotional, but I dont cry too much.
73. I think I'm a big girl.
74. I dream of having the most perfect boyfriend.
75. No ones never really spoiled me before, but I wish I was.
76. I like to sleep in my underwear.
77. People say its easy to get to know me, once you catch my drift.
78. I'm crazy. People who know me, know that. The only person who can catch up with me is Hoolie.
79. Stepho Hwang is my number one lover.
80. I married a fairy and got Eunice Lee. HAHA.
81. I ate 12 slices of pizza one time in my life. Rebecca is my witness.
82. I have over 100 disney videos.
83. When i was little, I wanted to be Sleeping Beauty, Jasmine and Baby Spice.
84. I wish I was cute and HOT
85. I wish I was easier to talk to.
86. I listen to my music full blast.
87. Just last year, I found out what wet dreams and 69 meant. I'm Innocent
89. I go to church alot, and I love it. My church people are A-W-Esome
90. I am Jessica Kim's mini Me.
91. One day, I want to meet Freddie Prince Jr and Kiss him (=
92. I hope people remember me after I die.
93. I hope I make an effect on someone's life.
94. I hope that at my funeral, alot of people would come.
95. I love watching movies with people.
96. I love boys.
97. I like learning new things.
98. I dont like to be judged, assumed by, stereotyped on, or taken advantage of.
99. I never mind anyone( even a stranger) coming up to me with a nice simple conversation.
100. I hope that people know that theres alot more to me than skin and fat. I respect who I am, even though I'm not perfect. I respect who you are, knowing your not perfect. I love people, so dont hesitate to talk to me, or come to me if you ever need someone. I wont push you away, or avoid you. I wont try to change you, or make you better or anything; Because your beautiful, just the way you are.



Dont judge.
and excuse my language.

Give thanks-- College Ministry Serve day car wash, smoothies, nice weather, saturday gateway sessions, anticipation? and the powerful and Almighty God, because only He could've changed me.

He chose me

"I believe the doctrine of election, because I am quite certain that, if God had not chosen me, I should never have chosen him; and I am sure he chose me before I was born, or else he never would have chosen me afterwards; and he must have elected me for reasons unknown to me, for I never could find any reason in myself why he should have looked upon me with special love. So I am forced to accept that great biblical doctrine" (Charles Spurgeon, A Defense of Calvinism).

Let's love each other!

So one thing on the list that I wrote in my journal (private one) is that I would love others more.

I feel like recently due to complications in relationships, common misunderstandings and even just the stress from school and all other responsibilties, I've been able to see how much I lack love for others.

Don't take me wrong, I do love you all. But I feel as though alot of times, this love that I have is a love that is defined and refined by the standards of this world-- and in no way is this kind of love strong enough or great enough to surpass any bump that would come along the way. The towers of love that I've established for the people around me will easily shatter down into shambles and whatever strength I feel I have in my heart to overcome it, I will find that it is insufficient and I will fail..

But that's when I need to learn to love with a love that is not defined by the standards of this world, but the very love that is represented and demonstrated on the Cross of Christ. That was the perfect demonstration of the only kind of love that will ever prevail in this universe, let alone world and that is the love that I want!

In striving to establish this kind of love-- my friend tracy (a friend who I really do love without much trouble..ever haha) shared this and I thought it was more than perfect

Six Biblical Guidelines for Loving Each Other

1. Let’s avoid gossiping.
2. Let’s identify evidences of grace in each other and speak them to each other and about each other.
3. Let’s speak criticism directly to each other if we feel the need to speak to others about it.
4. Let’s look for, and assume, the best motive in the other’s viewpoint, especially when we disagree.
5. Think often of the magnificent things we hold in common.
6. Let’s be more amazed that we are forgiven than that we are right. And in that way, let’s shape our relationships by the gospel.

How perfect and applicable.
I'm at gateway right now but I'm gonna try to start it NOW.

Long night of studying ahead and its probably going to take me a total of 19 hours of studying just to catch up in Microbio (I actually calculated it..) but I love you anyway.

Promise


Give thanks-- costco, tracy, journaling, and anticipation for the long night ahead

I like lists

I've always been a list-person.
What's a list person you ask? I can't function without making lists. I make a list of stuff I have to remember to do the next day, on the night before-- so I dont forget. When I study I make a list of lectures I must go over, pages I must read, and terms I need to remember. I make a list for the books I want to read in the specific order I want to read them in. I make a list of things I need to bring from home, take home and things I want to buy on my way from home. I make a list of people to eat with, emails to send. I make a list of chores to do: laundry, take out the trash, dust the table, wipe down things with alcohol swabs. I make a list of what kind of things I want to buy next time I want to go shopping, and I eliminate in due time so that I dont end up splurging and buying too much. I need to start each day with a to-do list at hand. I am just a very list-y person.

I guess if you've been following my blog for some time you might have noticed. I frequently make lists of goals I have, things I want to fix or imporve on, and if I ever dont have much to say I just make a list of random things I want to share.

Last night before I slept I made about 5 lists about what kind of things take up most of my time, the people and things that I invest my time and energy in the most, what the important things in my life were over the urgent things. I've never realized this, but there is such a big difference between urgent and important. Although urgent things are demanding, and require much from me-- I find that they are not far as vital to my life and my well-being than the important things are. It's hard to distinguish the two, but last night I was able to see how consumed I've been with the urgent things that I've really lost sight of the important.

Since we're talking about lists, I'll leave one before I leave for class.

A few things that I've realized about myself in the past few days

1. I am such a poisonous, evil person inside. My goodness.
2. I have bad time-management
3. I have little if not any patience.
4. I have now resorted to choosing sleep before many things.
5. I lack consistency
6. I am too slow to listen, too quick to speak, and too quick to anger
7. I'm selfish with my time when I'm busy
8. I don't pray enough


My "Catch-up" week is going okay
But I feel overwhelmed because I feel like there is not enough time

Today is a new day!

Give Thanks-- lists, grocery lists, new days, long sleep, realizing how entangled I am via journaling

:o/ sigh

Intro: "Catch Up Week"

Here's some eye candy before my words attack you








I am not exaggerating when I say I am behind on everything right now.

I fool myself into think that there isn't enough time in a day or in a week to finish all the things I have to do, to be caught up in the various obligations I am responsible for, and to excel in all the things I should be doing superbly in. I know that I am a fool because I am only fooling myself to believe that this is so, in order to justify for the lack of progress I've been making..

So this week will be my official "catch up week". More than anything, I'm determined to catch up in school. It's 3rd week now, meaning that only 2 weeks have passed, so it's not too much to catch up on-- but enough to keep me insanely busy for the next 4-5 days. 4 extremely long lectures of Microbiology to master, 4 material-packed Molecular Biology lectures to understand and 2 weeks worth of Gangs notes to obtain. As of now, it feels impossible but I know that it's not impossible.

I've realized that alot of times when I strive to excel or even accomplish in things that I set my heart to, my mere motivation, determination, inspiration and any other -ations out there will never suffice. I am too prone to grow weary and tired, i'm too easily distracted, too entangled and I give up way too easily. My body shuts out when it gets exhausted, my mind longs to resort to comfortable leisures like sleep and t.v. when I feel like I've done enough-- and in and of myself I will always fall short and fail. Thank God that I'm not limited to my own capacity to accomplish all these things. As impossible and as gruesome the overload of responsibility sounds, I have a warm sense of hope knowing that even if I can't do all these things, I can because of Him.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (philippians 4:13)

It is He who strengthens me, He who provides me with the sufficient determination and diligence I need in order to overcome whatever I have to do.. and with that hope of knowing that it IS indeed possible, How else could I possibly respond than to do all these things in joy? What worry should I have? What discouragement should I allow myself to be brought down by? Of course these are mere words that I don't fully believe in my own heart-- but this is the objective truth that I know and believe to be true--regardless of my silly hard-to-deal with disbelief.

So I'm subscribed to this DailyBibleVerse email, and this was what I found in my inbox today!

He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? (romans 8:32)

As I start the ultimate "Catch Up Week" of my life, I want to labor and work hard for the sake of ultimately glorfiying Him. What more would be worth laboring for??? I want to be better and work hard, but in the process I may grow tired, I may get discouraged and my body and mind may fail me because I am such a pathetic weaksauce 99% of the time-- but if God loved me enough to spare His son to save me, why would I even worry about whether or not He would provide me with the strength, motivation and joy to do so?

I'm honestly still really nervous. I feel all jittery! But I'm excited to see how this Catch Up week will turn out as I really do it on His crazy strong fuel instead of my diluted-watered-down one :o) We'll see...

To Do;
_catch up in al my classes
_catch up on yotb
_sleep morea
_pray more
_ARC everyday again :o) fun
_encourage and love

good luck everyone. Run hard

Give thanks-- a day to remember the hope and the surpassing joy we have because He lives, sisters coming to Berean, Katherine's eagerness and Audrey's willingness, people at Berean, grace, beautiful naps, family time, anticipation for the coming week, hope and prayer.

Just a few things

1)


2) I'm really behind in schoooooool this quarter has so much material its CRAZYS! need to start the gateway buisness again NOW

3) I need to draw out my schedule so that I can find time to ARC every week

4) I miss my family


Give thanks-- Esther, cuz its her birthday today, Berean Good Friday Service, Naps, hunger and 2 study sessions in one day

The best week of my life (maybe)

Why?
I never knew starting your day right so early would make such a difference. I'd be a liar and a fool and super woman and an alien and a robot if I were to tell you that I wasn't deathly exhausted right now.. I'm pretty exhausted but I cant help but to sit back and just smile in my chair, thinking about how wonderful my days have been.

So today I dropped/added my classes and now I have my official schedule:


How awesome... 3 reasons why I love my schedule this quarter

1. I have really long breaks in between so I can meet up and eat with people, study or spend time reading if I want :)
   
2. My classes are all relatively interesting and I'm really so determined to do well
3. I have enough time to come home and eat dinner, and go to the ARC for the first time in my college life.

(In the past week, I've gone to the arc more than I've ever gone my entire college career..) Sad, but good for me now! It's exciting and I really love it!


Why I dropped my Women's Studies Class:

These are the notes and readings that I had so far.. I really really really wanted to just suck it up and take it, trying to convince myself that there is some good that could come out of it. But the amount of time, energy, and paper that it took was unacceptable.. haha

I realized that there are so many things that I've entangled myself with that I've really spread myself out too thin.. Last week, T told me that I should evaluate everything in my life and cut away the entangling things that don't help me to love Christ more. There are some things that I can't cut out no matter what (i.e. Studying for long hours, work, church) so I've been trying to discover and look for things I could possibly cut down or even eliminate from my schedule

Maybe that's why this week is so nice..

Give thanks-- the plentiful harvest, the simple beauty of evangelism, being spurred with pLam, Pastor Aaron, gLeong nChao and pLam who swiped us into brandywine, the strength to go to the ARC, the fact that I woke up 20 hours ago but I'm still up, passion week, a slow and beautiful week, phone calls, family, prayer, Jesus Seminar, decaf, encouraging people, set schedules, printed lecutre notes, exhaustion, Your strength in my weakness

The joys of Spring quarter, Passion week and being more cautious

Let me just start this off with this picture:



This is where I currently stand in studying for the 2nd lecture of my Microbiology class. (The class that I so desperately wanted to get in) I spent 2+ hours studying for this class just now, and I find myself at Slide 40 out of 110. :) How exciting. Mathematically, it will take 3 and a half more hours to finish studying for lecture 2. How cooooooool

My schedule this quarter is really nice because it starts fairly early (9-9:30am) and ends pretty late (4:50pm) but I have really nice, long breaks in between which give me lots of time to read and study! My classes have been somewhat interesting and I'm really determined to get straight A's this quarter (not for the grades so much, but just as a reflection for my whole-hearted devotion to being a good student!) I'm going to be dropping that dreadful, feministic, women-power Women Studies class tomorrow (thank goodness) and I added another gangs class today and it's super exciting because there's alot of friends in that class!

cheers to a (hopefully) intentional Passion Week
Ok, so here's a personal confession.. Every year of my life until this year, Easter has honestly come and gone like nothing. When I look back at all the Easter's I've had previous to this year's upcoming one, all I remember is pink and green egg-hunting at church, looking for the plastic ones with candies inside, singing songs in front of church once, and I also remember we would gather on Good Friday as a church and carry a really huge wooden cross back and forth across the church's parking lot singing songs-- all of which had no affect on me what-so-ever. I feel so ashamed and disappointed in myself as I think back and remember how I actually took part in the cross-carrying event and how I used to do all self-consciously, scared of what my friends would think of me..shameful.

As I was preparing myself for Easter this year, I started to feel really really nervous for this year's Easter. I wanted to make sure that I wouldnt just let it pass by this year.. I brainstormed ideas of things I could do, passages I could read, prayers I could pray and goals that I could have for this week. I resolved to wake up earlier everyday to reflect on the last week of Jesus' life before His crucifiction and to really reflect and devote myself into remembering Him crucified, and the price He had to pay.

I spent an early morning today at a near-by starbucks and seriously, devoting in His word and coming to Him in prayer starts the day off in such a beautiful way.

Along with the daily reading of how Christ spent the last days of His life, I've been reading this book and its been the perfect addition to my week:
I'm really loving it :)

I really hope that I'll use this week to really renew my understanding and knowledge of what Christ has done for me, so that on good Friday when we remember His death that I will come before Him so broken and humbled and in awe of the magnitude of His suffering, and that on Easter Sunday that I will really rejoice as I've never done before and celebrate the great hope that I have now received because He lives. But what I hope for even more is that the weeks after this one reflected the refreshed and renewed joy I have because of my salvation and that my earnest desire to exalt Christ in all things would consume my entire life..

shut. your. mouth.
I feel like if theres one thing that we can always work on, is controlling and being cautious of what we say. There's so much power in words, if you think about it. Words can offend, demean, deceive, manipulate, hurt and discourage when not taken into good consideration. It scares me when I think about how much power I have in my words. People will judge the kind of person I am, the kind of positions I hold on different beliefs, and the very condition of my heart by the things I say. All people are prone to illustrate their own idea of some person by what they say. It scares me when I think about all the times I must've carelessly blurted out something-- and how possibly, to this day they may have created some misconception of who I am and what kind of person I stand to be because of those few-oh-crap-why-did-I-say-that-it-didnt-come-out-the-way-I-meant-it words. But on the other hand, words have so much power to bring joy, hope, love, fulfillment and encouragement to those around us. I cant even recall how many times someone's one-or-two words of encouragement made a miserable day a hopeful one. When I think back to think of how many things I must've said even in the past few hours that I regret, I want to gnaw my teeth out because I know that I can never take them back. What is said can't be unsaid, what people have heard will not easily be forgotten, and the damage I've caused is unrepairable.

sigh, there is no good thing I can say about this or else I would be a hypocrite.. so I hope and pray that we will all resolve to try harder with this. because I know I've been hurt by words before, and I know that I have oftened discouraged because of the fact that I wasnt more careful... I'm really left with nothing to say..

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
James 3:9-12

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching
Hebrews 10:24-25

Haha, Spurgeon is cool.


Give thanks-- prayer, being able to wake up, passion week, delicious bcd lunch with tracy and mel, remembering Christ crucified, productive days, going to the ARC regularly at last, looking forward to sleep, that You are more than enough for me.

spring quarter and starbucks

wdup spring
1st week gone, and I am more than excited for the following weeks of this quarter to come. This quarter is some-what chill, exciting and interesting already. I will use 5 words to describe my impression on each class so far.

Microbiology (basically: the study of bacteria):
denise bchao 100slides per lecture

Molecular Biology (basically: the study of bacteria)
each lecture slide takesup 1page

Womens Studies (basically: very feministic)
so much reading teacher mumbles

starbucks joy
due to the economy, we have been getting our hours cut like craaaaaazy. I worked 8 hours this past week and this coming week I will be working a total of 4 hours. Cool. but it works out beautifully because it's passion week so it'll give me more time to really consume myself and invest my time and energy into that! I haven't worked as a barista for a while because of my training thing-- and I really miss it. But training has its joys, too






I was gonna write more but i'm tired now
so I'll write later.

ha

Praise the Lord

Microbiology, let me in

Reasons why I have to get into this class

1. It's a prerequisites for Human Physiology which is a class I'm taking for the Summer Session 1
2. E1o9 (Human Physiology) is why I cant go traveling with Esther during the summer
3. E1o9 (Human Physiology) is why I cant go to China for Summer Missions this year
4. If I dont take Microbiology, I will not be allowed to take Human Physiology
5. I will have to take Microbiology during Summer Session 2 and will no longer be eligible for financial aid in the summer
6. I will only be enrolled in 8 units because I am only taking 12 units (with Microbiology)
7. Therefore, I will also be ineligible for my academic year financial aid
8. I will be heavily in debt in trying to pay for the courses that I am enrolled in
   
9. I will be behind in my major
   
10. I will be screwed

Oh please let me in


I
I know it seems likely... but there is still a possibility that that person will not drop....and my professor said that the only way I can get in, is if everyone drops.. sigh
Please.........................

Give thanks-- new quarter sweetness, going to the Arc with Jenn, new things, times of refreshing, new beginnings, the sleep I will deeply be in in about 2 minutes, Korean groceries, prayer, College prayer list, Aloe drinks, the fact that I am 1 step away from being in this class (Please let me in....)