It's a hard knock life for us

I wonder if we were biologically and psychologically built to handle the kind of things we feel inclined to handle on a daily basis. Why couldnt there be copies of us? Why couldnt I have at least one more brain, one more heart, 4 more arms, another pair of eyes, or at least a mirror so I can see myself from another's view.

I hate being a people pleaser. I hate insecurities. I hate instability. I hate seeing friends deal with close family illnesses. I hate money. I hate it when my dad's voice is strength less because of money. I hate dealing with overly dramatic people. I hate being around people who slander others as often as they breathe out of their nostrils. I hate studying and not understanding anything after 4 hours. I hate not being able to get to know everyone. I hate all the times that I might have offended someone because my mind drifted for a second and I didnt listen to what they were saying. I hate saying the wrong things. I hate not being able to play piano. I hate lack of sleep. I hate wasting time. I hate unproductivity. I hate misunderstandings. I hate insensitivity. I hate indifference. I hate my fear of people. I hate how much I care. I hate my hardenness. I hate the way I carry my pride like a disease. I hate the selfishness I hide so well. I hate it when I act outrageous and I hate that I regret it so much after. I hate it that I'm so weak. I hate it that I cause other people to sin. I hate sin. I hate being sinful. I hate hate. I hate this paragraph about hate.. why did I do it UGH haha

Life is so hard. Esther is currently going through a dilemma and because I am a good friend, I'm helping her through it. I think she is a fine example of someone who is really seeking to endure with all her might and I really am so encouraged by her..











Sometimes, Life is so unfair and it forces us to make new decisions for ourselves in order to cope with our current trial..

And even when we pull ourselves together and make a different decision, it can often be disappointing.. ("these" meaning the episodes she found online I am guessing..)


and of course being the good friend I am, I just really tried to encourage her. We are so mutually encouraging to each other...spurring each other on hahahah

I find that there are so many things in this life and in this world that we are forced to deal with, so many people to please, decisions to make, bills to pay, grades to earn, relationships to tend to, pictures to develop, rooms to clean, laundry to wash..... the list goes on. I feel so overwhelmed when I just sit back and think of all the things I have to think about, all the concerns I should be worrying about and all of the improvements I should be making. Sigh what an overload. I know these things are so trivial and I shouldnt even be complaining about it. It's honestly not even a big deal I'm just being a baby....... I aplogize for the word vomit, I'm just tired.

sigh
I feel behind on life. I just need a day or two to catch up

until then let's all just wake up


---edit//
Oh my gosh this made my day so I thought I'd share.

So you know those people that you just profit so much from just being around them? well, This is my friend Minsu. (I'm putting his picture up so you know what he looks like.) and he's really smart and studious and diligent in his studies. I find him to be quite modest when it comes to his intelligence

(I felt it was appropriate to add background butler man in too .. )

and this is why I benefit from our time together..



Give thanks--
for being capable when I am incapable, the strength to work, sleeping early, delicious stir fry dinners, yotb2009, green tea, laughing