wachu say?!

Yesterday, I felt my body go into shock for the first time. We went to Switzer falls for a hike and we jumped off a waterfall into freezing cold water (not literally freezing, but it was really really cold). I wasn't prepared for the jump but I remember exactly what it felt like when I jumped into the water. All the muscles in my body tightened, my neck stiffened, my body jerked up in attempt to get my head out of the water so that I could catch a breath. For a split-second I was honestly really scared. I remember breathing really heavily and trying my hardest to paddle myself through the icy cold water onto some surface that could assist me out. I remember clinging onto the rock without thinking or caring about anything else but getting out. Pulling myself onto the rock felt like sweet salvation. I felt my racing heart ease, and I felt the warm rush of my blood flush my face as the not-so-hot weather felt warm again. I dont really remember much from yesterday's hike but I vividly (and will probably always) remember the way my body responded when I fell into the water. There's a reason I wrote this to remind myself of something. My bad for taking up blog space..

Anyway,

There's been so much that's been going on in my mind these days that I dont feel like a blog could do it justice.. So many things are going on inside of me I really feel so confused and eager and anxious and nervous and excited and scared all at the same time. I feel torn between who I am and who I want to be. I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't discouraged at how inadequate I felt in trying to rightly represent and exalt Christ with my life...... I am an epic failure. I am so incapable..

Sigh I dont know what to say really, so I'll just list a few things

• Yesterday when I jumped off the waterfall, I belly-flopped into it, everyone had a good laugh. I tried climbing back up the rocks barefoot and I slipped. I now have big bruises/welts/etc on my right thigh and right rib. It looks really cool I wish I could show someone but it would be weird....
• For the next 2 weeks I will not be working as a barista but a learning coach! I'm training 2 people this week and I'm really excited.
  
• I want to read more
• My camera USB is not letting me upload my pictures/videos onto my computer and it's making me quite sad.................
  
• I have so much to study it's not even funny. I should study right now but I'm really tired..
• Yesterday I slept for 9 hours or so and I am so happy but I am so tired again
• I love Coffee bean and their Hazelnut Lattes. Iced > Hot, but hot is nice too
• I realized (with the help of a friend) that I complain alot..even when I don't mean to. but this week I'm going to try to fix this, along with a few more things..
• I really want to be more careful with the things that I say. whether it's to myself (yes, to myself), to friends, to workers, to customers, to anyone. I found that my uncautious attitude towards the words that I say can hinder, hurt and discourage others and in order to eliminate that I need to try harder!
• I want to read more books
• God provides me with the sufficient time, energy and strength to do everything I need to do
• I need to stop being scared of people
• I need to eat healthier now!
• I want to journal more!
  

I apologize for this self-absorbed blog post. I just needed it for myself before my week began.

Give thanks-- the feeling you get when you stretch after you sleep, sleep becuase it reminds me of how dependent I am on Your grace, sleep because it reminds me of how weak and needy my weaksauce flesh is, excitement for this upcoming week, (intentional) sophomore prayer meetings, praying for comfort, the unity of Christ in our sophomore class, to do lists, goals, the work You are doing in others, the work You are doing in me.....the presence of Christ even in hard circumstances, coffeebean trips, intentional conversations, the strength and grace You faithfully provide as my weak hands and feeble knees try to exalt You