#1

Today will be day number one of finals week. It's 5:18am and I'm in the UCI student center.I just woke up from my nap and Chuck faithfully committed to waking me up.
My nap served me well cuz I feel pretty awake now, despite the strange time. I have my biology final tomorrow (which I believe I am 43% ready for) and my anthro final (which should be a joke if I study for an hour or so). The plan was to stay here the entire night until my last final ends at 10pm. I have 17 hours left on campus-- but I feel so cold, tired and dirty :o(

I came into student center feeling like there wasn't enough time. But now I feel like I've reached a dead end and I dont have much more that I could possibly do to feel more ready for bio at this point. (but we'll see how far I push myself...........)

Finals week, despite the greulings and sufferings of long nights, caffeine highs and cramming pains, is beautiful -- I think. It's a time where I get to see the people I love, the people I laugh with and play with on a regular basis really get serious and pour their hearts out into something that may not be as enjoyable as late night Albatross runs or game nights that run til 3am. The pressured forehead tucked into a small text that should have been completed weeks ago, post-its consuming a used-to-be white paper notebook, a line of empty cups from starbucks and cha which we relied on so much for support and a pleasantly warm stress-reliever when we felt like we were carrying the weight of the entire quarter on our shoulders: I love it all.

As you can tell, I'm really not here right now. My train of thought is distorted and my words are jumbled-- but that again is the beauty of this whole mess that we name finals.

My goal for this week
is to really recognize the true essense of my weak-sauce-ness. I'm so weak in my flesh: so easily prone to give up, so easily tired, quick to be discouraged, quick to sway with how tired I am, how lazy I feel, how hopeless it seems, how slow my progress seems to be going.. they werent lying when they said that we are completely incapable of doing anything on our own. So I hope that in recognizing this, I will no longer slide God across the left wall, or "screen His calls", merely walk by Him without making eye contact trying to avoid Him, or place Him in the back seat while I'm "busy" with my school stuff-- but that I will completely look to Him for the strength, dilligence and joy while I study for these ever-so-hard-to-genuinely-love classes.

It's not impossible to have fun and be happy while studying, guys. :o)
so let's do it together.... !


Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let Your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (phil 4:4-6)