The (almost end): Starbucks, Studying, Stuff to be thankful for.

I tried to be clever and think of words that started with "st" .... fail.

It's almost 4am. and I am yet again studying for a final.
I had work today from 11pm-3am; not too bad-- but i'm tired now..
I still have alot to memorize, alot to know, alot to read
but if you are wondering how I am doing as of now- this is what I look like

I just took it see what I would look like to outsiders. I look pretty pathetic haha


This is literally the position I'm in right now
but the picture is deceiving because I'm not that sleepy.. my body's just tired.

This finals round has been a different one. It's been tough, but it was fun. Working at Starbucks during finals week is my absolute favorite. I always asked if I could work on the register so I could talk to the customers. There's nothing that makes me happier than having the golden opportunity to make someone smile, to wake up a sleepy and tired mind, to energize a weary student, or to bring a smile to a completely hopeless kid cramming late hours before a final. It was truly an honor just to see what kind of drinks they ordered, to ask them the simple question of how their finals were going and just to see how they were holding up. I had many failed attempts at trying to make them laugh, or just trying to take all their bitter sarcasm (which I know was merely a by product of their long tiring nights..) My heart really and literally ached for those who seemed so discouraged by their lack of progress and readiness for their finals.. and it was just nice being able to make them smile.

My hope is that in the poor attempts that I made for the past 2 nights, that none of it went to my credit-- but that He could be truly glorified and magnified even via my very small and insufficient attempts to be "happy go-lucky, bubbly and positive" as they described. Sometimes I get super discouraged because I feel like if Christ isnt spoken of, or if I don't profess to every customer that I'm a christian and that I'm merely just trying to share my joy and love for Christ through my service to them-- that it would be nothing but mere kindness from a Starbucks barista who gets paid for being customer-friendly. But thats when I have to constantly remind myself that its not under my power-- and that all I have to do, and all that I can do is just serve, and is just to make myself as available as possible for Him to use me.

Sigh, I know this is long but I have to talk about this cuz i'm tired and I need to slap myself in the face and remind myself. I have a confession.. this week I probably put God in the backseat like 100 times. If i'm honest, I probably went hours and days without keeping him in mind-- putting my studies, and friends, and my own plans before Him. I felt a wrestle of guilt tug at my heart a couple of times but ignored it, promising myself that I'd make up for it later... I think 50% of the reason why I feel like this right now is because I feel like I failed. I feel like I've been a hypocrite, a liar, and an impure and despicable person. My heart's been revealed. My cards have been shown. and I bid way more than I could afford-- I'm a sore loser.

but then I remember His grace. His unconditional, beautiful and sweet grace. and so I sit up to try again. Despite my physical pains, despites my dire desire for sleep.. I want to keep trying, I want to keep giving my 200% until life's sucked all out of me-- completely, absolutely and utterly sucked up-- until I am stripped of all but His sufficient strength, His faithful love and His boundless grace..sigh how easily I let myself forget....

Restore me, rekindle me, bring me home.
I want to be found faithful.


1 more left. Let's do it.