Fail or Practice?

This week was probably one of the longest weeks I've ever had in my life and although I set resolutions-- I did not succeed to keep them for long. I honestly feel really exhausted-- mind, body and soul and I'm gonna go to sleep in a few minutes after I close this blog.

I can easily sit here and say that I feel like I failed. My 'making of resolutions' was not enough and my determination and brief-spark of motivation did not suffice in pulling me through and helping me to really achieve these goals. No matter how badly I wanted to achieve these things, my mere determination and desire did not have enough fuel to get me across all the way-- and I was a fool to even think that I was capable of even making it. It's so easy for me to just sit here and feel like a failure-- to really sit and devastate myself over the ways in which I lack, the mistakes that I've made, the places in which I've found myself to be inadequate.. but instead of letting myself think that way, I'll take this past week to have been a practice round!

I got my feet wet, got my uniform in place, scabbed a few knees, blew a few shots of bloodynoses but now I'm ready-- or, i'm more ready than I was last week! Despite how hard things were this week and how busy I'm going to be tomorrow-- I'm excited to see the ways I'm going to be stretched by Him as time continues to pass by.

I know I'm not perfect. I know I'm not enough. but that makes this entire process all the more exciting, doesnt it? There's really so many things I wish I could be better at. So many regrets I've listed in my mind throughout this week. but all in all, I find so many places in which to give God praise for. I feel so bad because I've failed to do that this week alot-- to just lift my hands in praise for all the times He's sustained me, and sufficiently provided for me-- and even just to fall to my knees in prayer, in utter desperation for His Spirit to fill me and to refresh me, and to restore the strength for me to go out and fight again.

I want people to see Christ in me. I want it to shine so bright through me that people will come and ask me what in the world it is, where the heck that 'light' is coming from, and what it is that gives me the unusual joy that is ever so apparent in my life. I am not a sufficient instrument or tool for that kind of position. I'm a rusted metal, a cracked plastic, a useless junk. but our God is a God who can use all to magnify Himself.

So let's try again, and let's do it better than the practice round, and let's start on our knees.
and I will end this again the same way I ended it before---


1) Resolved to sleep earlier so that my lack of will not affect my attitude or the way that I conduct myself during the day
2) Resolved to be faithful in word and prayer
3) Resolved to be a better daughter and sister (by praying for them more and encouraging them more on a weekly basis...)
4) Resolved to reaaaaaaaaally watch what I say and do, and how i conduct myself in public, with friends, with strangers, co-workers, classmates etc so that everyone who sees/interacts with me will know that I love Christ
5) Resolved to love Christ MORE

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. -Coloissians 3:16-17

Give thanks-- starbucks drinks, random naps, intentional conversations, berean bible study, my long-awaited esv study bible which i am growing to love and appreciate so much, dinner with grace leong, end-of-the-week conversations that really challenge and encourage me to be better