I am a traitor

....for various reasons

I am undependable, unreliable, uncommitted.

sigh-- let me try to list 5 ways in which I am traitor..

or an adultress... both being equally horrible things to be

1) I have fallen in love.. and committed adultery to my own work place.

I know I work at starbucks, but today-- you caught my eye, and I cant stop thinking about you..

Darn you Iced-Hazelnut Latte.. Darn you deliciously round ice cubes.. 

you've made me a traitor to my own kind..

2) I am a traitor to things I have committed myself to (therefore, I guess I can be considered a floozy sl*t..) 

why must you grieve me so? Why? Why does it seem like I never get anywhere with you?

Why do you force me to sit down and spend hours at a time with you and yet I feel so distant from you.. I feel so lost. Please meet me halfway. I am running so hard towards you and yet you turn from me. Please show me your face. Please help me feel the warmth of your love...please, I beg you. I will recommit myself to you..please come home to me, Mr. BC (Biochemistry). I'm so lonely

3) I have failed to be a good roommate and friend.

I think I allow myself to get so caught up in doing everything everyday that I lose the simple joys of just spending time at home, spending time with my roommates, and being a good friend to the people I love (roommates, and other friends as well). They deserve better, all of them. And although there is not much I can give, I wanna do what I can.

So many places to get better at.. I always feel like I fall so short. I never feel like what I do is enough. But I guess that's not necessarily a bad thing... Never bad to keep wanting more. So let's try. More to-do lists, more goals, more sleep, more efficient study times, more intentional conversations, more time devoted to prayer, more effort to constantly be in praise and thanksgiving.

There is so much to be thankful for. So many people to love. and so many reasons to give God glory. Let's do it

(I dyed my hair today but I'll post pictures later-- it's not that different anyway. and I'm tired)

PEACE

Give Thanks-- (i'm sorry i cant help myself, but..) coffee bean & tea leaf, spending the entire day with tracy, comforting conversations, hope, 9 hrs of sleep, naps, the effect sunlight has on my newly dyed hair, kitchen-cleaning with roommates, hope, the song in my head, good ol' car rides- like the good ol days :o), new beginnings, the end of january.