Decisions decisions..

There are so many decisions we make everyday.
What am I going to eat. What am I going to wear. What shoes match with this. Should I straighten or curl my hair. Should I eat breakfast? What should I eat for breakfast? I think this is spoiled, should I eat it anyway..or not? Should I pray..or will I be late.. should I pray anyway? Should I read? When can I read today? Should I say this even though it sucks but its funny? Should I tell them this thing about myself? Should I lie? Should I stay quiet? Should I use a pencil or pen? Should I ask them? Should I try harder to not laugh out loud? Should I encourage them? Should I go to the bathroom now or wait?

These are just examples of a fraction of the questions I've asked myself through this day alone. Right now I'm debating whether I should sleep early or if I should stay up and study for a few hours. (I have a bio midterm on Tuesday) and I've decided to sleep.



Another decision I made today was whether or not I was going to buy a Hazelnut Latte at Coffeebean today. If you've been reading my blog, there have been several posts just about how much I love Coffeebean's hazel nut latte. I stayed there for a good 2 hours but left without the precious HZL. Why? because I knew I didnt need it. Because I knew it'd waste my money. and because I knew it'd contribute to the unhealthy gaining of weight that could possibly and conveniently add itself to.

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However, there was a more important decision I had to make at coffeebean today. It was a really nice day outside so I decided to stay on the tables outside of Coffeebean to spend a little bit of time catching up on YOTB(Year of the Bible, which is a bible reading plan that I'm doing with my church). I've been behind for some time (like...a few weeks or more behind) on the Old Testment, and although I've considered stopping the plan altogther and starting it again sometime later, I decided to commit to it and just catch up in the Old Testament on my own so that I could understand it better. I decided to start on 1 Samuel so I could gain a better understanding of what's actually happening, when a man sitting in the table next to me turned and greeted me.

It was the normal "interested and curious" kind of conversation starter. What are you reading? Are you Jewish? Do you go to Sunday School? Why are you reading that? He was Jewish, was extremely familiar with the Old Testament (which I am not... sigh) and was a devout Judeast. (is that what you call them?) I had just finished reading chapters 1-3 and he was summarizing it for me. Although I knew the summary myself, it astounded me to see how much he knew. It was obvious that he was trying to convert me. He claimed that there was only one God and I assured him that I believed that too. I asked him what the major differences were between Christianity and Judeasm and he told me that he believed that God was God and that Jesus was a man. Jesus died because Rome was scared of the influence he was causing. He didnt care about heaven because he just wanted to live a good life here on earth. He knew he wasnt good enough to be right before God but he said trying his best would've been enough.

I tried my best not to be pushy, and tried to avoid any possible offense that could have come out of it. His rolling of eyes and sighs of disapproval were discouraging.. and I was frustrated with myself because I was unable to back up every single thing I was proclaiming with Scripture. What made it harder was that he thought that the New Testament was useless. He didnt believe in this Christ. in my Christ. I felt so frustrated and broken for him. and yet I lacked the knowledge, boldness and confidence in this faith I professed for that short amount of time. I was really ashamed.

We turned away and proceeded to whatever we were doing. Him to his conversation with his bald old man fellow Jewish friend who previously told me he loved Korean music and korean women and kept winking at me, asking me if I had a boyfriend-- which made me feel sorta uncomfortable..(haha) and I turned back to my bible. He didnt care about the New Testament so I tried to my best to find a passage in the old that professed Christ. I turned to Isaiah 53

He told me he has a Christian friend who is actively pursing Judeasm or something.. I dont know, He has my email. His name was Aaron. Like Moses' brother he says.

When the conversation started, I could have played it off with a smile and tried to act as disinterested as possible to avoid furthering the conversation. I could have politely excused myself so that I could order a drink inside and be along my merryway. I could have decided to ignore him. And if I'm to be honest, for a second or two I really wanted to. I knew I wasnt ready. I knew he was Jewish. I knew he would bash on Christ. (somewhat, at least) but I knew that I would never be prepared for such a fight anyway. It wasnt my story to share, my truth to tell. I read in The Gospel and Personal Evangelism (by Tim Keller) that our calling to 'evangelize' isnt to convert, isnt to change the mind of some Jewish and bring them to a Christian church and have a Christian faith, it's not holding the hands of this non-believer and praying the prayer or repentance. Evangelism in itself is to merely be faithful to this message that we have, that we believe, that we bank on, and the very message that sustains the new lives we live and the new man that we are now.

It's not my job's to change his heart and make sure that he believes. That's the Spirit's job! How dare I try to steal???! mine is just to share what I know and believe to be truth. My analogy for this is, I pour the lemonade powder into the glass of water. But I am merely the pour-er, and the Spirit is the spoon that stirs this message until it dissolves and the hydrogen bonds of the water and the powder mix bind to become lemonade.

Probably a wrong and butchered analogy, but I hope people will keep pouring into the Aaron Water.

So many decisions. I need to sleep. haha

Here are some pictures from Sister's Appreciation 09 :) Super cute. from garnet.


I love bodyworship.

Our class boys, I love.

I'm so thankful.
Molecular Biology study day tomorrow, lets do this

Give thanks-- Aaron, Coffeebean, Berean's members meeting, Berean-- a church I've grown to love like family, Study sessions, patience, trying to have better discernment, decision making, Beautiful weather, switching car positions with ewG, people who make me laugh, sleeping early, cheesecake